Dumb Information

Dumb Information Nation Revolution

A recent Huffington Post article reveals a churning in the waters of America, a possible Wingnut Revolution in the making as super rich citizens are irate at the new political situation. Doomsday scenarios explained as to who and how the takeover is spelled out, as what is going on in Washington is not the answer. Huffington Post did not receive the memo, put out world wide April 11th 2008; it’s not the Wingnut Revolution, it’s the Dumb Information Nation.
This time, individuals from all parties will unite in the fight against stupidity and greed, the fight to rid the world of hatred and incompetence; it’s not a one sided bashing whether Republican, Democrat, or Independent. The simple thought process that maybe not benefiting me as an individual, it will benefit the masses that stand before and around me.
We do not have to agree on everything out there, but we do have to live together, and no matter who was behind the collapse of this nation, we are all in it together, win or lose (I for one am in it to win it, no matter who I call my Commander-in-Chief, because after all, if I win it, I win it). The recession is not discriminating while washing over the lower and middle class, it chooses no sides. I am not going to lose sleep or divert focus because the gentlemen down the street believes that all criminals regardless of the offense should die of natural causes; there is bigger and more dire concerns at hand.
Simple yet effective thoughts and ideas will get us through the toughest of times, the KISS method if you will.
Keep It Simple Stupid, because all of you have to agree, sometimes ignorance is bliss

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I Miss Louie

Is this what the news has come to? Are we at this point in our nation that the death of a cat is front page news?
Obviously so, as the death of the Clinton’s house cat is one of the top stories by the Associated Press. Not to take anything away from the importance of a good pet (as I have two dogs and my webmaster), but how is this front page material?
My beef with this is that much goes on in the world around us; deaths of soldiers, wars, skirmishes, hunger, starvation, deaths by beheading, and this is what pops up on Yahoo today. World news, what is meant to reflect the big stories going on, and I get a picture of a tuxedo cat that just spent his ninth life, as well as an entire story to go with it. DI has put together a few other insignificant stories around the globe during the mourning process of a feline.

Guantanamo Bay, Cuba – an official Pentagon report states that the prison meets the standard of humane treatment in the eyes of the Geneva Conventions, but cites many changes that need to take place. Hard core, dangerous criminals should be allowed to meet with the rest of the population, and have the privilege of additional recreational time. Prisoners also do not have dry cleaning services, mint on the pillow every morning services, or a hot cloth to wash their face after every meal.

Major League Baseball – it died, again, hopefully this time for good.

North Korea – plans to test fire an intermediate range ballistic missile in the next few months, despite a visit to the region by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, stating on other issues that she vowed “not to let human rights concerns hinder cooperation with China.”

Iraq War – leaders of the battlefield personnel want to push out the timetable for a troop withdrawal, while the politicians are still pushing for an immediate removal of the troops

George Mason University – picked a drag queen as the homecoming queen

Bailout – the population is now growing angry about the massive bailout, and the massive bailouts that have happened, and the massive bailouts that are yet to come, as homeowners that are struggling to keep up on their bills are now wondering why they didn’t just fall behind and not worry about it?

Israel – two more rockets were fired from southern Lebanon, injuring at least one

Obama Presidency – polls show that approval ratings for the new President are slipping, and articles gave us two to three sentences to explain why.

American Economy – it’s still tanking.

Yet, with all that is going on around us, we have to hear or read about the loss of the former “first cat.”
Thinking of this on a vehicle ride, I remembered my beagle that I grew up with. Louie, short for Louisiana, was a beautiful specimen, and one of the best friends a young boy could ever have. She was so protective of me and the rest of the family that she would somehow run away with any new dog we brought home, and amazingly find her way back home, alone. We lost several puppies, but always seemed to lure Louie back home with a single piece of cheese or bologna. She outlived her years, passing on my homecoming night junior year in high school at the ripe old age of 18 (126 in dog years). The Associated Press never showed up at my doorstep to write an article about that day, as they were most likely busy reporting more important things like the Serbian invasion of Bosnia, the Sri Lankan civil war, or the establishment of the European Union. I, however, didn’t care about any of that, because I had lost my friend; it just wasn’t news for the rest of the world.

Crutchfield, You’re in our Hearts

Posted in death by Chop on 16 February 2009

Dumb Information Nation has lost one of its own, and now mourns the passing of a great man. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the Crutchfield family, who hold a special place in our hearts.
Good men must die, but death can not kill their names – Proverb

A Letter to Congress

When I was first asked to take on this project, I was bombarded with information, letters, and directives immediately. I washed much to the side to try and keep my head above water, passing on many opportunities to present the world with the other side of the story, or stories in our case. For that, I apologize. But, with a stroke of luck, I have resurrected something very interesting and deserving of a post on our site. Please read and enjoy the below letter to a congressman.

Dear Congressman (name has been omitted per request),
I am writing this in reference to the increased amount of troops publically refusing to deploy to a war that they feel is unethical and immoral. I am a civilian contractor currently deployed in Iraq, and have spent the last 3 ½ years overseas. At no time have I witnessed a stronger force, a stronger will, a stronger determination than I have in the time spent in this country. The American military has been given orders to deploy, orders to fight and eradicate an insurgency that has bullied and terrorized a nation, and a hand full of individuals are standing up against the government that has given them the freedom to do so. No matter what the issue at hand, no matter the reason for an occupation of foreign soil, the cold reality is that the soldiers, airmen, marines, and seamen held up their hands, took an oath to stand between their families, fellow countrymen, and the enemy, both foreign and domestic.
It has always been the few that make it to the forefront of the media, the few that are held up and claimed heroes. Ones that defy their leadership, defy their government, defy even the simple thought of responsibility, which are forced in front of the couches and computers of modern day America.
“A month after US army reservist Matthis Chiroux publicly refused to deploy to Iraq, the former sergeant on Sunday set himself up for possible prosecution by failing to report for active duty with his unit in South Carolina,” quoted from Yahoo News.
My request, sir, is that I may take his place, or the place of Lt. Watada, to serve along side their once fellow soldiers, so that they have the extra set of eyes that could enable them to return safely to their always waiting families back home. What I want from life is the ability to show my daughters the good in man, not what is on the T.V. every night, portraying military men and women as oil thieves and rapists. Reality in pictures and words showing what the men and women of the Armed Forces do on a daily basis; repairing damaged dams, water pipelines, sewer treatment plants, constructing new schools and hospitals, delivering food to starving families world wide from someone that I hope and pray they trust, their daddy.
I have learned to realize that I can not change the world, but I can change the world of my children, a world in their eyes free of hate, free of violence, free of discrimination, free of starvation. A world created because of the hard work and sacrifice of the American Soldier driving an MRAP vehicle down a hostile street in Mosul, the American Airmen refueling a B-52 on Diego Garcia bound for the Middle East to provide air support for the ground troops, the American Seaman who guides in a F-18 on a wobbly deck in the Persian Gulf, and the American Marine who sleeps in a sand pit in the Anbar Province, taking incoming nearly as often as beads of sweat roll off his face.
I am not requesting this for fame, or public praise, only to join the likes of the true heroes of America’s modern day. I am officially requesting a waiver to join the ranks of the few, so that I too can defend this nation, my family, and the freedom of so many others worldwide.

Sincerely,
Name omitted per request

Sir, thank you for your dedication and love for your, I mean our, country.

The B-52’s

Posted in Air Force, Asia, death, Drinking, Dumb Information Hall of Fame, guns, Hall of Fame, Men, Military, War by Chop on 9 February 2009

You all must be growing tired of the same old thing, I know. It is hard to watch, or hear, or read the same thing over and over and over without wanting to slit your own wrists just to make the pain go away. Though as for that the passing there had worn them really about the same, as Robert Frost so eloquently put it. DI heard your cries, and took action. Our Hall of Fame inductee, although possessing many human characteristics, is not of this world. It was born from the imagination; it was born of steel and bolts, and became the greatest in its class, far outliving the competition, and still remains active to this day.
With absolutely no introduction required, I present to you the B-52, and I am not talking about the “Love Shack” one. The Boeing B-52 Stratofortress, nicknamed BUFF for being big, ugly, fat, with the last F being silent, sort of (feller for all you southern folks). The Strato rolled off of the production line ready for action in 1955, giving the American Air Force a deep offensive jet powered threat unheard of at the time.
General Nathan Twining, Air Force Chief of Staff from 1953 to 1957, said it best as “the long rifle was the great weapon of its day……Today this B-52 is the long rifle of the air age.” General, if you could hear us today in 2009, it would be the exact same thing, as the B-52 is still alive and flying high. The United States Military, over the course of the past century, has made costly purchases that never panned out, but got there monies worth and more with the old faithful Strato.
The B-52, among other things, is a veteran of several foreign conflicts, to include Vietnam and the Gulf War. In February of 1991 in support of the Gulf War, Barksdale AFB in Northwest Louisiana launched a pack of B-52’s which flew a nonstop combat mission, at the time the longest in history, striking targets inside Iraq. 14,000 miles and 35 hours later, the B-52’s touched down safely back at Barksdale. The B-52 holds the current record of the longest combat mission of 16,000 miles, a mission from Guam to Iraq and back to deliver critical blows to Baghdad power stations in support of Operation Desert Strike.
The Stratofortress has also outlived several of its replacements like the XB-70 and the B-1 Lancer. Mission after mission, the Strato’s performance far exceeded the rest of the pack, proving that age is not necessarily a bad thing. It is one of only five aircraft to have to have 50 consecutive years of service, with a projected future until at least 2040, which would give it an astounding 85 years terrorizing the skies of America’s enemies.
Far outclassed and outran by its want to be successors, the B-52’s mission readiness rates have hovered around the 80% mark, showing the B-1 Lancer (53%) and B-2 Spirit (26%) who the true giant of the sky is.
Most Buff’s in the current fleet are twice as old as the pilots who fly them, with the possibility of one day the men and women who call the beast home for hours at a time could affectionately refer to them as Grandma and Grandpa. A true hero and deserving HOF member, welcome aboard aircraft commander of the skies.
And last but not least, the B-52’s popularity across the nation resulted in a the naming of a viciously strong strain of marijuana, a multi layered cocktail shooter including Baileys Irish Cream, as well as the hit rock band B-52’s, being named for the shape of a beehive hairdo resembling the nose cone of the air king.
DI Pride, until next time; do you own research, and form your own opinions.

OH CRAP! That Causes Cancer?!

Posted in Conspiracy, death, Health, Medical, Men by Chop on 9 February 2009

Masturbation causes prostate cancer, Mary Jane causes testicular cancer.

Two recently released studies have shown that both masturbation and marijuana can either speed up or directly cause different forms of cancer. Face it DI Pride, I wont be writing for much longer. Thanks for the memories.

You’ve had a Good Run

Posted in Asia, Comedy, death, Dumbass, Hollywood, Movies, rant, Series, Sport, TV by Chop on 9 February 2009

I was performing a little channel surfing last night and ran across a day old version of Saturday Night Live, a once great collaboration of skits sporting the likes of Will Ferrell, Adam Sandler, Chris Farley, Rob Schneider, Chris Rock, Mike Myers, Ben Stiller, Kevin Nealon, Bill Murray, Dana Carvey, Damon Wayans, Jon Lovitz, Robert Downey Jr., Billy Crystal, Jim Belushi, Joe Piscopo, Eddie Murphy, Dan Aykroyd, John Belushi, Chevy Chase, and Gilda Radner (this list could go on indefinitely).
I was able to stomach the first four episodes, along with “I am going to have sex with your wife” game show skit. I learned, about two minutes into the skit, that I no longer cared about what was going on with the actors and actresses, but actually how many of the live audience members were showing their appreciation for the skit with laughter. I could hear clearly, as I personally made no sounds of enjoyment towards the show. There was, however, one or two in the background showing their gratitude, but one did sound like he was choking, possibly on a Polish sausage, and not at all laughing at the skit in front of him. No one was laughing any more; people just sat back, watched the skits, and clapped when they were over. I agreed, as most if not all of the skits did not seem funny anymore, some actually bordered on pissing me off for the simple fact that this show is making money hand over fist and putting out this kind of crap on a weekly basis. This leads me to my question, is there any originality left in this country?
I see skit after skit of the same crap, just giving me different faces and names. I see skits about a game show where the host sleeps with the contestants wife, and that’s the entire plot. Seriously, where is the originality in this? Where is the fire that the likes of Aykroyd and Belushi gave us, where is the coke coming out of my nose kind of laughter that Sandler and Farley gave us?
This industry finds something that works, and then pounds it into the ground as long as they can to squeeze every cent they can until they absolutely have to figure something else out to sell. If you don’t believe me, think of the following.
Friday the 13th, not just birthdays for several of my loved ones, but a horrifying movie in 1980, performing so well at the box office that Hollywood figured they could squeeze just a little more juice from its popularity. Then came Friday the 13th Part 2, Part 3, The Final Chapter, oh wait A New Beginning, low and behold Jason Lives, and he has The New Blood, then Jason Takes on Manhattan, then finally Jason goes to Hell, holy crap a Jason X, and if you weren’t tired of it by now he took on Freddy in Freddy vs. Jason, and now we have to endure yet another Friday the 13th, 2009 style. 12 movies, based off of the same crap, although Hollywood did have to sit down and figure out what town or village to pillage each time.
Yet another example of Hollywood’s creativity is the Rocky sextology, a six shooter starting from the streets of Philadelphia, traveling as far as Siberia to battle the Russian machine that was Ivan Drago, winding up back on the same streets swapping fists with Tommy Gunn, and finally dying out (hopefully) after a gut wrenching tear jerking split decision loss to Mason “The Line” Dixon in Rocky Balboa, the sixth such Rocky movie. Although I admit that I can name all of Rocky’s opponents off the top of my head and have seen all of his fight flicks, it still shows the complete lack of creativity when it comes to newness.
Creativity and originality is what made Hollywood, with the likes of movies such as Cast Away and The Blair Witch Project; the likes of shows such as The Family Guy and American Dad.
I know in my case that I have taken in so much of the influential people in my life, in order to create my own style. It’s all about a creative originality, go out and make your own.

The Day that Baseball Died

Posted in Baseball, death, Drugs, Sport, Strike by Chop on 9 February 2009

Give it up already.
This new baseball steroid scandal reeks of so much wrong, it will be very difficult to put in one article. But being the writer that I think I am, let’s give it a shot.
First, Alex Rodriguez has been implicated as yet another steroid needle ninja, as unconfirmed reports leaked that he tested positive for Primobolan and testosterone in what was meant to be an anonymous testing in 2003. Nearly 1,200 players were tested to determine if a mandatory random drug test sport wide would be necessary.
Records sealed and tucked away nicely in some drawer at a drug lab, only rearing their ugly head once again because baseball and the rest of the free world want to see Barry Bonds burned at the stake Joan of Arc. As the Yahoo report stated, “The government is trying to prove Bonds lied when he told a grand jury he never knowingly took performance-enhancing drugs.”
Baseball, get over it. Government, find something else to focus your attention on, say people trying to blow cars up in Arkansas or people trying to blow cars up period.
Second, the only real issue we here at DI see with Mr. A-Rod is the fact that he left a smokin’ hot wife for the washed up material girl Madonna, sweet move Hot Rod.
Third, and likely most important, Jose Canseco wrote a book. “Vindicated: Big Names, Big Liars, and The Battle to Save Baseball,” hit the bookshelves in 2008 claiming that Canseco introduced the Rodster to a drug dealer, possibly Tyrone Biggums. Although I have not read the book (I really don’t look forward to seeing a bunch of Crayola marks on notebook paper unless it comes from one of my children) I am betting, sorry Charlie Hustle, that there is nothing about getting his face caved in during his brief yet entertaining professional fighting career, or giving up a home run with his hard as a brick skull, or blowing his arm out in his half an inning or so performance for the Texas Rangers.
Fourth through ninth, Rodriquez was quoted as saying “you’ll have to talk to the union” in regards to the current issues at hand. The Baseball Players Association, formed in 1953, has assisted the game and fans with such cool things like massive uncontrollable salaries for athletes, three work stoppages as players were stroking, I mean striking, and the cancellation of a World Series because of inhumane working conditions and benefits. The players union has the sport in such a stranglehold that it is slowly but surely killing it. The fact that it is not run like any other company world wide gives it that sour in your mouth kind of feeling to the massive fan base, the fan base that buys tickets and jerseys, and the fan base that falls asleep with a beer in their laps watching that nail biter on T.V. If someone pops positive for a random drug test, suspend them, hit them hard in the wallet. If they do it again, get rid of them, just as the rest of the working nation would do. The union, acting in the best interest of the athletes, have padded their pocketbooks and raped the consumer, us fans that have stayed devoted to the game through all of the work stoppages and all of the drug scandals and all of the “I have to sit out of this game because I have turf toe” episodes these new age pansy ass crybabies have played out. Babe Ruth could swig back a fifth of Kentucky’s finest, get run over by a truck on the way to the ballpark, and still go 4-4 with 3 touch all of em’ kind of swings, saving the puke fest for after the game. These days, with all the advances in modern medicine and the unlimited access to the dreaded “steroid”, players, with the exception of Iron Cal, can’t give us a fresh nine innings any more for fear of breaking a nail. But we as the consumer have to sit back and take it up the tailpipe, because in the famous words of A-Roid, “you’ll have to talk to the union.”
Tenth, I believe that this is the final straw, the inevitable baseball implosion that the owners and players union created. The game that I grew up loving so much, the days at the minor league ballpark cheering on the Shreveport Captains, buying overcharged and undercooked hot dogs that were the greatest tasting food on the planet because I was sitting next to my mom and dad watching Charlie “Willie Mays” Hayes, those days are but a memory now. The days that superstars stopped by after the game to talk to me because my dad performed some dorky dance flagging him down, those days are gone, but thanks for the memory anyways Andy Benes from the Wichita Wranglers. I will never forget those days, just as I will never forget the sport that I loved for so long. I will however get over it, move on with my life, and try and forget about all of the scandals, the tirades, the Will Clarks of the league pushing a kid out of the way because they are being bothered for a signature on one of their own baseball cards, that was me by the way Big Will; I will try and stuff all of that crap deep inside a shoe box, lock it up, and throw away the key, because, if only just for me, this is “The Day that Baseball Died.”
Obituary – 8 February 2009
Professional Baseball
Every Town, USA – Services for Professional Baseball, 133 give or take a few, will not be held. There will be no one officiating, as fans and priests will try and move on with their lives and find something else to dump money into, possibly WWE.
The Baseball family, however, will continue to accept visitors to its website to show respect.
Baseball entered into rest on Sunday, February 08, 2009, across the nation after a long fight with greed and stupidity.
Major League Baseball was born in 1876 across America, and was preceded in death by its father Abner Doubleday and millions of faithful fans and players.
Left to cherish its memories are its loving fans that still live, including me, as well as the owners and players who assisted in its death.
Baseball earned respect and love during the early 1900’s, but began to fail in its old age due to player strikes and multi-billion dollar contracts. After the strike of 1994 that halted World Series play, baseball slipped into a coma, recovering only for a brief moment during the Mac Attack and Sosa Swat summer of ‘98. Shortly after that, baseball became addicted to drugs (primarily steroids), working itself in and out of rehab, but its old age finally gave in to the greed and stupidity.
The Baseball family would like to express their appreciation to all who loved it, and all who enjoyed those dog days of summer at the Old Ballgame. Baseball would also like to thank Mark McGuire, Sammy Sosa, Roger Clemens, Raphael Palmeiro, Barry Bonds, and Alex Rodriguez for giving it one last fighting chance at life.
Pallbearers will be the ghosts of Babe Ruth, Rogers Hornsby, Mickey Mantle, Ty Cobb, Satchel Paige, and Cy Young.
Honorary pallbearers will be the ghosts of the remainder of Major League Baseball, those who gave us the memories that we will forever cherish.
In life Baseball did such wonderful things, so it is with great sadness that we bury it today. Heroes Funeral Home