Dumb Information

The B-52’s

Posted in Air Force, Asia, death, Drinking, Dumb Information Hall of Fame, guns, Hall of Fame, Men, Military, War by Chop on 9 February 2009

You all must be growing tired of the same old thing, I know. It is hard to watch, or hear, or read the same thing over and over and over without wanting to slit your own wrists just to make the pain go away. Though as for that the passing there had worn them really about the same, as Robert Frost so eloquently put it. DI heard your cries, and took action. Our Hall of Fame inductee, although possessing many human characteristics, is not of this world. It was born from the imagination; it was born of steel and bolts, and became the greatest in its class, far outliving the competition, and still remains active to this day.
With absolutely no introduction required, I present to you the B-52, and I am not talking about the “Love Shack” one. The Boeing B-52 Stratofortress, nicknamed BUFF for being big, ugly, fat, with the last F being silent, sort of (feller for all you southern folks). The Strato rolled off of the production line ready for action in 1955, giving the American Air Force a deep offensive jet powered threat unheard of at the time.
General Nathan Twining, Air Force Chief of Staff from 1953 to 1957, said it best as “the long rifle was the great weapon of its day……Today this B-52 is the long rifle of the air age.” General, if you could hear us today in 2009, it would be the exact same thing, as the B-52 is still alive and flying high. The United States Military, over the course of the past century, has made costly purchases that never panned out, but got there monies worth and more with the old faithful Strato.
The B-52, among other things, is a veteran of several foreign conflicts, to include Vietnam and the Gulf War. In February of 1991 in support of the Gulf War, Barksdale AFB in Northwest Louisiana launched a pack of B-52’s which flew a nonstop combat mission, at the time the longest in history, striking targets inside Iraq. 14,000 miles and 35 hours later, the B-52’s touched down safely back at Barksdale. The B-52 holds the current record of the longest combat mission of 16,000 miles, a mission from Guam to Iraq and back to deliver critical blows to Baghdad power stations in support of Operation Desert Strike.
The Stratofortress has also outlived several of its replacements like the XB-70 and the B-1 Lancer. Mission after mission, the Strato’s performance far exceeded the rest of the pack, proving that age is not necessarily a bad thing. It is one of only five aircraft to have to have 50 consecutive years of service, with a projected future until at least 2040, which would give it an astounding 85 years terrorizing the skies of America’s enemies.
Far outclassed and outran by its want to be successors, the B-52’s mission readiness rates have hovered around the 80% mark, showing the B-1 Lancer (53%) and B-2 Spirit (26%) who the true giant of the sky is.
Most Buff’s in the current fleet are twice as old as the pilots who fly them, with the possibility of one day the men and women who call the beast home for hours at a time could affectionately refer to them as Grandma and Grandpa. A true hero and deserving HOF member, welcome aboard aircraft commander of the skies.
And last but not least, the B-52’s popularity across the nation resulted in a the naming of a viciously strong strain of marijuana, a multi layered cocktail shooter including Baileys Irish Cream, as well as the hit rock band B-52’s, being named for the shape of a beehive hairdo resembling the nose cone of the air king.
DI Pride, until next time; do you own research, and form your own opinions.

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DI Hall of Fame

Your beloved DI staff (truth be told just me), after much deliberation, has picked the next class of inductees for the exclusive DI Hall of Fame. All right, I used my DI presidential authority in this induction process, so the blame is all mine if it goes south. These few individuals have over the years received a bad rap from most of the homophobic populace due to their sexual orientation, or hint at sexual orientation, or the fact that they based their entire careers off of “assisting men that are comfortable with their own sexuality to get in women’s pants faster” kind of music. As I may not personally agree with what some of them do on their own time, I do have the upmost respect for their professional careers, which has produced some of the greatest music our generation will ever have the privilege of listening to. No matter what they do behind closed doors at night, what they have done for the music industry is warrant enough for induction into our HOF.

Barry Manilow – duel entry, as Barry is famous on two different playing fields. First and foremost, Mr. Manilow the singer/songwriter/musician/kick ass entertainer performed greats such as Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head, Cant Help Falling in Love, Cant Take my Eyes off You, and remade the Righteous Brothers You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’, just another reason that made Top Gun an all time great candidate. Joined the ranks of Frank Sinatra, Michael Jackson, and Johnny Mathis as the only entertainers to have five, count em five, albums on the best selling charts at the same time. Manilow also assisted in the clean up of Hurricane Katrina , matching dollar for dollar his fans donations to the American Red Cross. Once pissed off Donald Trump, skipping on an event and keeping the front money for nearly a month, which shows that this dude isn’t scared of much. Next, Barry Manilow also starred in the hit movie Road Trip a hilarious comedy about all kinds of dumb crap. Barry got bit in the hand by a boa constrictor, grabbed his bum several times on camera, and made out with a freakishly hot red head near the closing credits. Barry/Barry, welcome to the Hall of Fame.

Elton John – arguably the greatest performer of all time, definitely in the same league as the likes of Michael Jackson, David Lee Roth & Tom Hanks, John has tuned his vocal chords in order to make the sweet sounds of instant classics (Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, Bennie and the Jets, Rocket Man, Candle in the Wind, Daniel, I Guess That’s Why They call it the Blues, I’m Still Standing, Honky Cat, Tiny Dancer, Someone Saved my Life Tonight, we could go on all night); assisted in the writing portion for the songs in the ’94 kids classic The Lion King (honestly, how many of you heard or knew what Hakuna Matata meant before Mr. John gave you that sample). This is not the first HOF nod for Elton, as he is a deserving member of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the Songwriters Hall of Fame. John also established the Elton John AIDS Foundation, pumping in a considerable amount of his own dough to assist in the worldwide fight of the deadly disease. And last but certainly not least, you must address him by the title Sir , as John was knighted by the monarch of England showing his true kickassness.

Neil Diamond – chosen for not only his superior vocals and performance characteristics, but he is also the reason for a pretty good flick in Saving Silverman, a movie about three grown men infatuated with the legendary singer/performer/kick ass entertainer. Provided the introduction for Elton John’s first American soil concert, one of the other inductees. Personally looks like he could hold his own in a bar fight, making him the man of this induction class. Inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame in ’84, which may be a little more special than this one, but we wont hold that against him. His music is responsible for such great things as the theme song for the Red Sox Nation (even though he cheers for the wrong New York City baseball team, go Mets), soundtrack additions to “one of the greatest kick ass movies ever” Pulp Fiction, and inspired UB 40 to actually create something that would stick in Red Red Wine. Absolute classics such as Sweet Caroline, Oh Mary, and Evermore are just a taste of what Mr. Diamond in the rough of the music industry gave to us.

While these men do not possess qualities such as Chuck Norris or Rambo, they have displayed such qualities deserving the ultimate recognition, the introduction into the DI HOF. Welcome, and enjoy the company.