Dumb Information

Put a Sock in it America

I am sick and tired of hearing all the problems with Obama, Bush, the Democrats, the Republicans, and any other politician that has walked the hallowed grounds of this nation. Mud is flying at a phenomenal rate in regards to the new Obama four year term, just as it flew during an eight year Bush stint at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Die hard elephants are attacking Obama on everything from the stimulus package to leaving the seat down while urinating, and most completely lock their thought patterns up when debates start in respect to how his presidency has started.
Die hard jackasses are still attacking Bush and Cheney for their eight year tenure in the White House, and when ideas are exchanged about why they did some of the things that they did, they lock up all thought processes quicker than a bowel movement after eating spicy curry with coffee on a hot summer day.
Republicans secretly despise Democrats, and Democrats loathe Republicans behind closed doors. This has gone on since the dawn of democracy in America, since the split of all parties, and since men were given the ability to think for themselves with a little assistance from the mass media.
Backyard barbecues and middle of the day water cooler discussions have created fight after fight on whose party has the best and smartest candidate, and whose party is the savior of the country.
Now, after the force feeding of the nearly $1 Trillion stimulus package, Obama and his followers are working on yet another stimulus package to try and inject some sort of life into this breathless country. Every under the radar website and media outlet is slamming him for his super duper top secret spending plans, and throwing him under any and every bus they see because he is doing exactly what he said he would before he was elected.
I pounded the pavement to get the first hand taste in the mouths of the masses, with astounding results.
“Honestly, I am tired of listening to all the crap about all of this. I don’t even want to turn on T.V. or the internet for fear of seeing something else negative about America,” stated one individual. (All names have been omitted to protect the innocent and weak)
“Obama has yet to show me he knows how to run a country. He has slammed through a huge stimulus package without letting the public see what was in it,” claimed another bystander very eager to voice his distaste with the newly elected President.
“He closed Gitmo without even looking at who was in it, where are all of those criminals going to go now,” asked yet another.
“He is the savior of the country, he will do things to help us all,” claimed another, but when asked what things, could not come up with any.
Before I go into my views on this controversial subject, let’s look at the facts.
Obama stated in his campaign that he would push through a massive stimulus package after taking oath; he did.
Obama promised to close Guantanamo Bay, Cuba while beating the trail for President; he has.
He has moved swiftly to try and solve the nations most critical issues, love him or hate him, those are facts.
Some staunch Republicans are now claiming issues with his character, but can not come up with any concrete evidence of wrongdoing yet. Researching the true meaning of character, I found that Wikipedia states “attributes including the existence or lack of virtues such as integrity, courage, fortitude, honesty, and loyalty, or of good behaviors or habits.”
Here are my thoughts reader, love them or hate them.
Obama has done what he said he would during his campaign, whether or not we like it. His massive spending package is the largest of all time, but took even larger balls and intestinal fortitude to make it happen. I don’t personally agree with some of the inserts of the package, but it’s not my country, it’s our country.
He has ordered the closure of Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, just like he said he would. Prisoners are being released either due to lack of hard evidence or no evidence of wrong doing at all, which is something that is backed in our U.S. Constitution, words that are thrown around only out of convenience to the situation at hand. No person shall be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law, as stated in the law of the land. Hardened criminals in Gitmo that have lengthy lists of wrongdoings will be transferred somewhere else, not given a pardon. It’s a change in venue for those who need to stay behind bars, that’s it; but because Obama declared it, it’s a problem.
Because Bush started it at Gitmo, it was a problem. The Donkeys hated Bush with everything they had, so no matter what decision he made, it was the wrong one. The Elephants hate Obama with everything they have, so every decision he makes will be the wrong one.
Hatred is a disease, and that disease has spread faster than the likes of AIDS and cancer combined. It is a highly contagious disease, and affects human brain functions. It allows people to judge others based on such things as skin color, what kind of clothes they wear, and what they eat for breakfast. Hatred is a disease that could wipe out mankind, due to differences that are very minute when it comes to importance based on what is going on around us. We can agree to disagree on every issue in the world, but must find a common thread that will allow us to continue as a civilized planet.
I don’t agree with most of the things that Obama is trying, but at least he is trying something. He is not sitting back and hoping for the best, he is attacking to try and fix a half century of wrong that we have done to ourselves. He has the courage to bet his second term on the stimulus that he pushed for, which shows as much for character as anything else; intestinal fortitude, strength, courage, honesty. Like him or not, he is our president, and deserves the respect of at least the position he holds, just as Bush did and Clinton, Bush, and Reagan before them.
America needs to grow up and find the common thread that will allow us to forge ahead through the toughest times the living has seen. Without that common thread, we are all doomed to fail, both individually and as a nation.

C.E.C.

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Wake Up America

Posted in Democrat, Dumbass, Health, IRS, Mainstream Media, Media, Politician, rant, Stimulus Plan, Tax, Welfare by Chop on 16 February 2009

Wake up America.
Death threats, angry e-mails, and nasty letters have been sent to the new mother of octuplets, as the state may have to foot either most or all of the bills from the birth and care of the eight premature babies, a total that could run close to $1.3 million and change. Taxpayers are irate at the fact that they may have to reach into their pocketbooks to assist for the mounting health care costs. The taxpayer’s main concern: Nadya Suleman is unemployed, and was already the mother of six, three of which receive monthly disability checks from the government. She paid for in vitro fertilization, which enabled her to bear eight children at once, most of the financial backing coming from an on the job injury claim she states. The question that I ask is this; what sets her apart from the rest of the nation that utilize government funding to pay the bills other than the amount of children she has?
She receives food stamps, and will get a raise thanks to the new Stimulus plan passed by Congress. So will everyone else on welfare or government assisted funding, so I ask again what makes her stand out from the rest? DI’s answer, simply nothing.
It may very well be the history leading up to the birth of her eight new babies, or it’s the ever sinking economy that has ruffled the feathers of the taxpayer in the Golden State of California. What ever the case, the fact is that the taxpayer has been footing the bills of millions just like Ms. Suleman for the past three plus decades.
The newly revised Stimulus plan aids situations just like this, as people who currently receive food stamps, some 30 million currently, will get more, people receiving social supplementary income, will get a one time stimulus injection of $250 each, while cash depleted states will get massive injections to continue funding such programs as Medicaid.
Suleman is not alone; she is no different than a majority of individuals that walk to the mailbox to receive a monthly stimulus check to pay the bills. There is nothing that sets her apart from millions upon millions of others across our country, so leave her alone.
If you want to do something about her situation, attack the system. Vote for politicians that oppose systems and programs that you only know of now because you have lifted your blinders. You voted for this, or the mass around you did, now get out and pound the streets to change it. Change is not just a word, it’s an action as in the act of doing something, and with the power of the vote people can begin to see that action. If you don’t like how your politicians are running your small world, then work to get them voted out.
The answer is not to threaten the lives of people like Ms. Suleman; the answer is to change the system that they benefit from. As in several of my earlier articles, if someone really desperately needs the help, then by all means let’s help them. My only issue is when some 26 year old strapping man walks to the mailbox to collect his $625 a month plus his now $250 one time stimulus check and he has yet to try and find a job or pay taxes. I, however, have not sent death threats to that man, but voted to put in office politicians that agreed with my beliefs in welfare and government assistance.
America, wake up and figure out what is going on around you. It should not take a recession near depression to find out that this is going on, albeit not to the scale of Ms. Suleman, but compounded 30 million or so times over. It should not take the over exposure from the media, in this particular case, to show you what the government funds on a monthly basis. Do the research for yourself; the information is free in most cases. Do what you need to do to fix the world that surrounds you, but do it with pride and dignity, not only for yourself, but those around you.
“If we open a quarrel between the past and present, we shall find that we have lost the future,” Winston Churchill. We can only move forward from today with all the tools that are available to us. If you don’t like how your government is acting, say something, do something, but not to Ms. Suleman, because she is doing exactly what the government is allowing her to do.

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Pimp Hand of Al Swearingin: Global Warming

The question has been one of the most talked about of the last few decades or so. It has been the campaign driver for several failed presidential candidates, as well as an even hotter topic for the creator of the World Wide Web, Mr. Al Gore. For all of you rational people out there, are we really having a Global Warming crisis?
Out and about on a daily basis, I also have the luxury of being able to peruse Mr. Gore’s fantastic voyage that is the World Wide Web, with not much else to do but to fumble around Dumb Information’s brilliant web site. Occasionally though, I do search issues that are near and dear to my own heart, one being the global warming conspiracy. But before all of you tree hugging fruit balls get your pink panties in a wad, check out just a few samples of what is my life.
In a span of less than a year, my deliverance type neighbours have been afflicted with the likes of floods, ice storms, and several Bigfoot sightings. Power cut off because of bone chilling cold winds that make you want to slit your own throat as to not have to deal with the frostbite anymore; power cut off because of flood waters that would even make Noah cringe again. So I ask of you again, DI faithful, is this the ugly face of Global Warming?

I beat the streets for a little while, pondering my next move, perhaps to Tahiti, while gathering information from lifelong residents in hopes of figuring all of this out on my own (I know now that you must know I am a Republican, because the average or above average Dem cant figure out what their name is, much less try and do something themselves). My findings, although not supported by the Guinness Book of World Records, were frightening to say the least.
These kind of natural disasters have happened over the years, but not nearly this close together. What did the near future of my hometown and states have in store for it I contemplated?
I am, (sorry for sounding a little modest), one of the greatest quality control technicians the free world has ever come across. In my line of work, if there is a problem, then there is obviously a root cause. To fix, or repair, or stop, or terminate a problem, you must seek out the root cause.
Now, just for a brief moment, think of Global Warming as a symptom, just a spec of the actual issue at hand. If the problem is for arguments sake the bastard child disease that is AIDS, then Global Warming would be one of the many symptoms such as esophagitis, a nasty but by itself not deadly, inflammation of the lower lining around the esophagus.
Now, think for another moment, if for some god forsaken reason you were infected with AIDS, that the worldwide doctors union (they formed out of absolute necessity because of atrocious work conditions and sub-human pay scales due to socialized medical care) began selling you mounds and mounds of prescription drugs claiming to be the cure for AIDS, but was actually just keeping you from burping up some seriously foul mouth gas.
My point to all of this madness is this; why stick your head up a bull’s ass when you can just take the butchers word for it? The government and Media is continually shoving this down our throats, green this and green that, and scaring us into submission so that us “ditto heads,” us Rushites nation wide, run to the mailbox or corner store to buy the first photovoltaic powered vibrator we come across because batteries just “add to that there Global Warming stuff.”
I don’t mind the government dumping dough into projects that will help out, but what can we really do to prevent something that scientifically happens on a revolving basis? Why pull the wool over the populations eyes so that funding a “eco friendly green project for the democratic senators ex brother-in-laws, mothers, future wives, dogs seller pocketing a cool $14 million to put up three solar panels in his backyard” will go down a little easier?
My question to you (with all of my infinite wisdom I am still having trouble answering) is this. Can we as a human race do anything to stop the ever growing freight train that is Global Warming?
I, as a God fearing man and disciple of his word, can claim that it doesn’t matter, because you “better believe in him or feel his wrath.” On the other hand, as a brainiac science freak, I have to take into account that other planets in our humble solar system have gone through the same things we as humans are currently experiencing, without the ill effects of a vicious can of hair spray.
So, for all of you doomsday, tree hugging, pink panty wearing douchebag’s out there, put your money back in your wallets when it comes to all the crap that the good old government is trying to sell you in regards to the inevitable warming of the Earths crust (unless of course you want to send it to DI to assist in the spread of our own truth and wisdom).
What will happen will happen, that is the answer. There is nothing we can do about it; just sit back, try not to use so many damn CFC’s, drink some beer, and go to church on Sunday mornings. Take it from me, the God fearin’ science lovin’ gun totin’ badass, which by the way; I am freezin’ my ass off thanks to this Global Warming crap, good call Al.
Until next time, believe in God, have a good time, and make sure you have plenty of ammo.

This is Al Swearingin signing off.

DI Hall of Fame

Your beloved DI staff (truth be told just me), after much deliberation, has picked the next class of inductees for the exclusive DI Hall of Fame. All right, I used my DI presidential authority in this induction process, so the blame is all mine if it goes south. These few individuals have over the years received a bad rap from most of the homophobic populace due to their sexual orientation, or hint at sexual orientation, or the fact that they based their entire careers off of “assisting men that are comfortable with their own sexuality to get in women’s pants faster” kind of music. As I may not personally agree with what some of them do on their own time, I do have the upmost respect for their professional careers, which has produced some of the greatest music our generation will ever have the privilege of listening to. No matter what they do behind closed doors at night, what they have done for the music industry is warrant enough for induction into our HOF.

Barry Manilow – duel entry, as Barry is famous on two different playing fields. First and foremost, Mr. Manilow the singer/songwriter/musician/kick ass entertainer performed greats such as Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head, Cant Help Falling in Love, Cant Take my Eyes off You, and remade the Righteous Brothers You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’, just another reason that made Top Gun an all time great candidate. Joined the ranks of Frank Sinatra, Michael Jackson, and Johnny Mathis as the only entertainers to have five, count em five, albums on the best selling charts at the same time. Manilow also assisted in the clean up of Hurricane Katrina , matching dollar for dollar his fans donations to the American Red Cross. Once pissed off Donald Trump, skipping on an event and keeping the front money for nearly a month, which shows that this dude isn’t scared of much. Next, Barry Manilow also starred in the hit movie Road Trip a hilarious comedy about all kinds of dumb crap. Barry got bit in the hand by a boa constrictor, grabbed his bum several times on camera, and made out with a freakishly hot red head near the closing credits. Barry/Barry, welcome to the Hall of Fame.

Elton John – arguably the greatest performer of all time, definitely in the same league as the likes of Michael Jackson, David Lee Roth & Tom Hanks, John has tuned his vocal chords in order to make the sweet sounds of instant classics (Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, Bennie and the Jets, Rocket Man, Candle in the Wind, Daniel, I Guess That’s Why They call it the Blues, I’m Still Standing, Honky Cat, Tiny Dancer, Someone Saved my Life Tonight, we could go on all night); assisted in the writing portion for the songs in the ’94 kids classic The Lion King (honestly, how many of you heard or knew what Hakuna Matata meant before Mr. John gave you that sample). This is not the first HOF nod for Elton, as he is a deserving member of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the Songwriters Hall of Fame. John also established the Elton John AIDS Foundation, pumping in a considerable amount of his own dough to assist in the worldwide fight of the deadly disease. And last but certainly not least, you must address him by the title Sir , as John was knighted by the monarch of England showing his true kickassness.

Neil Diamond – chosen for not only his superior vocals and performance characteristics, but he is also the reason for a pretty good flick in Saving Silverman, a movie about three grown men infatuated with the legendary singer/performer/kick ass entertainer. Provided the introduction for Elton John’s first American soil concert, one of the other inductees. Personally looks like he could hold his own in a bar fight, making him the man of this induction class. Inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame in ’84, which may be a little more special than this one, but we wont hold that against him. His music is responsible for such great things as the theme song for the Red Sox Nation (even though he cheers for the wrong New York City baseball team, go Mets), soundtrack additions to “one of the greatest kick ass movies ever” Pulp Fiction, and inspired UB 40 to actually create something that would stick in Red Red Wine. Absolute classics such as Sweet Caroline, Oh Mary, and Evermore are just a taste of what Mr. Diamond in the rough of the music industry gave to us.

While these men do not possess qualities such as Chuck Norris or Rambo, they have displayed such qualities deserving the ultimate recognition, the introduction into the DI HOF. Welcome, and enjoy the company.