Dumb Information

AP’s Swimming Hoax

Posted in Dumbass, Mainstream Media, Sport by Chop on 16 February 2009

Seriously, the AP ran a story without researching it?
This is the absolute reason for the founding of DI, to offer the world a different view on news topics. We have added our own views from time to time, but have given you the reader the ability to make your own decisions when it came to the story at hand.
The Associated Press ran a story about a woman who swam the Atlantic Ocean, a heartwarming story during these pressing times. Why wouldn’t they, people have heard enough of the layoffs and market crashes, they were in need of something to boost their spirits along with boosting their own ratings. AP received the information, published the story, and moved on to the next big article in order to keep funds rolling in and the lights on. Problem is the story was not credible, much less possible. Additional research confirmed, with the help of the likes of marijuana stud Michael Phelps, that swimming that distance in that time frame was just not physically possible.

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The B-52’s

Posted in Air Force, Asia, death, Drinking, Dumb Information Hall of Fame, guns, Hall of Fame, Men, Military, War by Chop on 9 February 2009

You all must be growing tired of the same old thing, I know. It is hard to watch, or hear, or read the same thing over and over and over without wanting to slit your own wrists just to make the pain go away. Though as for that the passing there had worn them really about the same, as Robert Frost so eloquently put it. DI heard your cries, and took action. Our Hall of Fame inductee, although possessing many human characteristics, is not of this world. It was born from the imagination; it was born of steel and bolts, and became the greatest in its class, far outliving the competition, and still remains active to this day.
With absolutely no introduction required, I present to you the B-52, and I am not talking about the “Love Shack” one. The Boeing B-52 Stratofortress, nicknamed BUFF for being big, ugly, fat, with the last F being silent, sort of (feller for all you southern folks). The Strato rolled off of the production line ready for action in 1955, giving the American Air Force a deep offensive jet powered threat unheard of at the time.
General Nathan Twining, Air Force Chief of Staff from 1953 to 1957, said it best as “the long rifle was the great weapon of its day……Today this B-52 is the long rifle of the air age.” General, if you could hear us today in 2009, it would be the exact same thing, as the B-52 is still alive and flying high. The United States Military, over the course of the past century, has made costly purchases that never panned out, but got there monies worth and more with the old faithful Strato.
The B-52, among other things, is a veteran of several foreign conflicts, to include Vietnam and the Gulf War. In February of 1991 in support of the Gulf War, Barksdale AFB in Northwest Louisiana launched a pack of B-52’s which flew a nonstop combat mission, at the time the longest in history, striking targets inside Iraq. 14,000 miles and 35 hours later, the B-52’s touched down safely back at Barksdale. The B-52 holds the current record of the longest combat mission of 16,000 miles, a mission from Guam to Iraq and back to deliver critical blows to Baghdad power stations in support of Operation Desert Strike.
The Stratofortress has also outlived several of its replacements like the XB-70 and the B-1 Lancer. Mission after mission, the Strato’s performance far exceeded the rest of the pack, proving that age is not necessarily a bad thing. It is one of only five aircraft to have to have 50 consecutive years of service, with a projected future until at least 2040, which would give it an astounding 85 years terrorizing the skies of America’s enemies.
Far outclassed and outran by its want to be successors, the B-52’s mission readiness rates have hovered around the 80% mark, showing the B-1 Lancer (53%) and B-2 Spirit (26%) who the true giant of the sky is.
Most Buff’s in the current fleet are twice as old as the pilots who fly them, with the possibility of one day the men and women who call the beast home for hours at a time could affectionately refer to them as Grandma and Grandpa. A true hero and deserving HOF member, welcome aboard aircraft commander of the skies.
And last but not least, the B-52’s popularity across the nation resulted in a the naming of a viciously strong strain of marijuana, a multi layered cocktail shooter including Baileys Irish Cream, as well as the hit rock band B-52’s, being named for the shape of a beehive hairdo resembling the nose cone of the air king.
DI Pride, until next time; do you own research, and form your own opinions.

OH CRAP! That Causes Cancer?!

Posted in Conspiracy, death, Health, Medical, Men by Chop on 9 February 2009

Masturbation causes prostate cancer, Mary Jane causes testicular cancer.

Two recently released studies have shown that both masturbation and marijuana can either speed up or directly cause different forms of cancer. Face it DI Pride, I wont be writing for much longer. Thanks for the memories.

The Blue Brothers

Posted in Asia, diet, Health, Japan, Medical, Mongolia, Sport by Chop on 6 February 2009

I ran across another article in regards to a Mary Jane
controversy rocking the Sumo world, this time involving a
soil born Japanese wrestler.

Desperately wanting to come up with yet another hilarious article, my mind
wandered for a few until it hit me, what the hell is Sumo wrestling actually?

I know, a bunch of big men rubbing
wings
in a ring of fire,
but there had to be much more to it, so I began researching.

I immediately ran across the Dolgorsurengiin clan, a group of three
brothers kickin’ ass and taking names across the entire
Eastern Asian region.

From the Blue Wolf to the Blue Dragon, DI will take you on a short journey
into the lives of the real life Blues Brothers.

Dolgorsurengiin Sumiyaabazar, Dolgorsurengiin Serjbudee, and Dolgorsurengiin
Dagvadorj, all Mongolian born and bread, have separately made the family
name a common household word, yet hard as hell to pronounce unless you
are of course Mongolian.

Sumiyaabazar,
the oldest of the Dolgorsurengiin clan, is a high ranking skilled
Mongolian wrestler, proving his worth in the ring of death on several occasions.

Aptly named Blue Steel for this article alone (his other two brothers
use Blue in their nicknames, yet this man is bad enough to
walk around without one), Sum took the Mongolian
wrestling circuit by storm in 2006, snagging the title of Grand Champion from
a field of 1,024 wrestlers.

He had previously finished that tournament in second place four other
times, showing that he can handle himself with the likes of any other.

Mongolian wrestling matches, unlike Sumo, take place in an open field, and
puts sheer strength
to the test, as wrestlers must make their opponents upper body or
elbow come in contact with the ground.

Also, fortunately for my stomach, they do not use G-Strings, as they have
conformed to the much more conservative Speedo look.

Thumbing through pics of the sport, Mongolian wrestlers also differ from
their Japanese counterparts because they look like
Arnold Schwarzenegger on steroids (again).

Serjbudee,
the middle of the road brother, left the life of Mongolian wrestling to make
his professional wrestling debut in Japan in 2001, making him the first from
the Mongolian wrestling circuit to join New Japan Pro Wrestling.

Using the ring name Blue Wolf, Serj proved very early that he was a force
to be reckoned with.

With signature moves such as the Mongol Hammer & Mongol Slam, making even
Bill Goldberg wet his drawers.

Serj also dabbled in the world of Mixed Martial Arts,
making minced meat of Tom Howard in his May 2004 debut.

He has since slipped back into a quiet life, possibly in his home country of Mongolia.

Dag,
the baby of the bunch and by far most successful, sports the competitive
name of Asashoryu in the Japanese Sumo wrestling world.

Haling from Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia, he is already arguably the greatest
Yokozuna ever, a title reserved for the best of the
best that the sport has to offer.

Only 68 other Sumo wrestlers have had the privilege of putting that title
anywhere around their name legally.

He became the first Mongolian to bestow the term Yokozuna in 2003.

At only 28 years of age, his accomplishments are phenomenal to say the least.

Asashoryu brings with him a 598-153-76 career record, 23 grand tournament
victories (five flawless tournament victories with a 15-0 record, two of
them consecutively) putting him on the all time wins list at fourth,
seven consecutive tournament wins, an impressive 84-6 bout record in one fiscal
year (man, if only our mortgage industry could do that), and the Tiger Woods
of Sumo accomplishment of the Grand Slam,
taking by force all six tournaments in one calendar year in 2005.

Tournament record of 15-3 (11-1 during the ’04 & ’05 campaigns) over the
course of a three year period from 2004-2006, bowing out of one of them due
to an injury, and since November of 2002, has an impressive record of 23-15 in
the grand tournaments, with two of the losses coming from a suspension,
and two others due to injuries.

Asashoryu, nicknamed the Blue Dragon, garnished outstanding performances
in the grand tournament three times along with three additional
fighting spirit sticks.

He won his first top division title in just 23 tournaments, matching the
fastest ever to win that title.

He began his career at a very light weight when it comes to the professional
world of men’s thongs, making his career accomplishments even more impressive.

A family tradition that would even make Ghengis Khan
proud to be a Mongolian, these are the real life Blues Brothers that are the
Dolgorsurengiin clan.

So, get out and learn something new for yourself, there is so much
interesting dumb information in the world.

Turn off the T.V. and pick up a book,
or surf the internet using the unbelievable world of Wikipedia or
Dumb Information,
you just may be pleasantly surprised.