Planet Earth’s BFF

He is known by a simple picture of his left side and face. Not an athlete, politician, or film star, yet he is popular throughout the world, 231 countries or geographical locations strong. He is Planet Earths BFF (Best Friend Forever).
His name is Tom Anderson, which is about all that most know of him, except for the posted bulletins showing interest in new songs or videos. If you glance over his home page on MySpace, you can see that he has kept it somewhat simple while creating one of the most popular friendship networks the world has ever seen. Most pages are fancy, laid out, and have elaborate color and design schemes, yet his models a starter page for a newbie to the MySpace faction.
His creation has sparked curiosity, imagination, and desire as ordinary people such as me can reach out and find the likes of Mookie Wilson or Bill Goldberg, Stone Cold Steve Austin or George Bush, Sr. We can send a friend request, and anxiously await a response. We can see what Barack Obama is up to, and then thumb through videos of Wrestle Mania on the same website. It is an inevitable avalanche, gaining popularity and steam on what seems like an hourly basis.
From personal experience, I must have felt the void in my life that was left by the likes of missing out on MySpace when I created the Dumb Information site. I began to toy with the front page, and felt the undying urge to browse old friends that I had lost contact with several years ago. I have never been big into rekindling old friendships, as they died for a reason, but could not control MySelf. Page after page, I clicked on pictures of old high school football buddies, old work associates, and occasionally superstars such as the greatest hair band of all time Poison, which by the way is Dumb Information’s friend. Days melted into nights, nights blended into days, and a week went by, forgetting to sleep for the most part and skip meals just to see if someone had accepted my friendship request.
I have now built my friend base up from being a solitary hermit to around 30, with several requests pending. My friend list includes the likes of Poison, Vanilla Ice Ice Baby, the Entire Shreveport Bossier Captains baseball organization, three other bands, a church, and several old running buddies that I haven’t talked to in more than 10 years. All of this is possible, without having to leave the comfort of my reclining office chair, amazing.
His name is Tom Anderson, and he is my friend (along with 258,433,070 others).

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Dumb Information Nation Revolution

A recent Huffington Post article reveals a churning in the waters of America, a possible Wingnut Revolution in the making as super rich citizens are irate at the new political situation. Doomsday scenarios explained as to who and how the takeover is spelled out, as what is going on in Washington is not the answer. Huffington Post did not receive the memo, put out world wide April 11th 2008; it’s not the Wingnut Revolution, it’s the Dumb Information Nation.
This time, individuals from all parties will unite in the fight against stupidity and greed, the fight to rid the world of hatred and incompetence; it’s not a one sided bashing whether Republican, Democrat, or Independent. The simple thought process that maybe not benefiting me as an individual, it will benefit the masses that stand before and around me.
We do not have to agree on everything out there, but we do have to live together, and no matter who was behind the collapse of this nation, we are all in it together, win or lose (I for one am in it to win it, no matter who I call my Commander-in-Chief, because after all, if I win it, I win it). The recession is not discriminating while washing over the lower and middle class, it chooses no sides. I am not going to lose sleep or divert focus because the gentlemen down the street believes that all criminals regardless of the offense should die of natural causes; there is bigger and more dire concerns at hand.
Simple yet effective thoughts and ideas will get us through the toughest of times, the KISS method if you will.
Keep It Simple Stupid, because all of you have to agree, sometimes ignorance is bliss

I Miss Louie

Is this what the news has come to? Are we at this point in our nation that the death of a cat is front page news?
Obviously so, as the death of the Clinton’s house cat is one of the top stories by the Associated Press. Not to take anything away from the importance of a good pet (as I have two dogs and my webmaster), but how is this front page material?
My beef with this is that much goes on in the world around us; deaths of soldiers, wars, skirmishes, hunger, starvation, deaths by beheading, and this is what pops up on Yahoo today. World news, what is meant to reflect the big stories going on, and I get a picture of a tuxedo cat that just spent his ninth life, as well as an entire story to go with it. DI has put together a few other insignificant stories around the globe during the mourning process of a feline.

Guantanamo Bay, Cuba – an official Pentagon report states that the prison meets the standard of humane treatment in the eyes of the Geneva Conventions, but cites many changes that need to take place. Hard core, dangerous criminals should be allowed to meet with the rest of the population, and have the privilege of additional recreational time. Prisoners also do not have dry cleaning services, mint on the pillow every morning services, or a hot cloth to wash their face after every meal.

Major League Baseball – it died, again, hopefully this time for good.

North Korea – plans to test fire an intermediate range ballistic missile in the next few months, despite a visit to the region by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, stating on other issues that she vowed “not to let human rights concerns hinder cooperation with China.”

Iraq War – leaders of the battlefield personnel want to push out the timetable for a troop withdrawal, while the politicians are still pushing for an immediate removal of the troops

George Mason University – picked a drag queen as the homecoming queen

Bailout – the population is now growing angry about the massive bailout, and the massive bailouts that have happened, and the massive bailouts that are yet to come, as homeowners that are struggling to keep up on their bills are now wondering why they didn’t just fall behind and not worry about it?

Israel – two more rockets were fired from southern Lebanon, injuring at least one

Obama Presidency – polls show that approval ratings for the new President are slipping, and articles gave us two to three sentences to explain why.

American Economy – it’s still tanking.

Yet, with all that is going on around us, we have to hear or read about the loss of the former “first cat.”
Thinking of this on a vehicle ride, I remembered my beagle that I grew up with. Louie, short for Louisiana, was a beautiful specimen, and one of the best friends a young boy could ever have. She was so protective of me and the rest of the family that she would somehow run away with any new dog we brought home, and amazingly find her way back home, alone. We lost several puppies, but always seemed to lure Louie back home with a single piece of cheese or bologna. She outlived her years, passing on my homecoming night junior year in high school at the ripe old age of 18 (126 in dog years). The Associated Press never showed up at my doorstep to write an article about that day, as they were most likely busy reporting more important things like the Serbian invasion of Bosnia, the Sri Lankan civil war, or the establishment of the European Union. I, however, didn’t care about any of that, because I had lost my friend; it just wasn’t news for the rest of the world.

Unbiased Media Works Hard to Sway your Opinion

Binyam Mohamed is finally going home, or the last home he legally had, back in Britain. His stay in Guantanamo Bay is nearing its end, as British doctors have reviewed his condition and tagged him as fit to fly.
“A newspaper has reported that the Foreign Office solicited a letter from the US State Department that forced British judges to block publication of evidence of torture,” is how the article ended conveniently. Something to make the reader wonder, possibly ponder on for hours on end. Was there actually torture going on worlds away? Did they actually rub red paint on people’s faces to try and get them to talk?
Facts, much to the chagrin of the mainstream media, speak louder than rumors or gossip. But they know exactly when to throw in the bait, just when to add the possibility of something or where in the article to insert the maybe it actually happened to create a thinking tornado for the reader. The mainstream media has honed its skills over the course of the last century, and is as close to perfection as possible, possibly.
The hard facts are thrown in for this story, such as Mohamed being an Ethiopian Muslim convert who was granted asylum in Britain in 1994. He was also arrested in Pakistan in 2002 on “suspicion of involvement in terrorism.”
Once an Ethiopian slash British immigrant, he was in Pakistan during an American led campaign to rid that area of insurgency. He was in a region of the world that had severe travel warnings from Israel to Jamaica. He was caught up in a Taliban led area of Pakistan, in an area of the world that had been war torn for centuries. Government issued travel warnings, both U.S. and Britain, told him not to go, yet he did anyhow. He was caught up in a war, those are the facts.
Throw in what ever else you like to provide the “fat” of the article; I do it as well, but only to poke fun at something or to try and evoke a quick laugh. Rumors to try and make the reader wander in their thinking are something else; it’s what most would call propaganda, which is information being disseminated aimed at influencing the opinions or behaviors of the intended audience.
Propaganda is the deliberate, systematic attempt to shape perceptions, manipulate cognitions, and direct behavior to achieve a response that furthers the desired intent of the propagandist.
—Garth S. Jowett and Victoria O’Donnell, Propaganda and Persuasion

Well, we here at Dumb Information believe that the reader has a brain of his or her own, and have the ability to decide for themselves what is in front of them. We will continue to provide you with real world problems, throw in our two cents to try and pull out a smile or two, and let you decide. It’s up to you, now go out there and make your mind up.
Some analysts claim that Mohamed will be one of the many that end up back in the war zone assisting either the Taliban or some other insurgency based organization, crap I just did it didn’t I. Sorry, it possibly won’t happen again.

Wake Up America

Wake up America.
Death threats, angry e-mails, and nasty letters have been sent to the new mother of octuplets, as the state may have to foot either most or all of the bills from the birth and care of the eight premature babies, a total that could run close to $1.3 million and change. Taxpayers are irate at the fact that they may have to reach into their pocketbooks to assist for the mounting health care costs. The taxpayer’s main concern: Nadya Suleman is unemployed, and was already the mother of six, three of which receive monthly disability checks from the government. She paid for in vitro fertilization, which enabled her to bear eight children at once, most of the financial backing coming from an on the job injury claim she states. The question that I ask is this; what sets her apart from the rest of the nation that utilize government funding to pay the bills other than the amount of children she has?
She receives food stamps, and will get a raise thanks to the new Stimulus plan passed by Congress. So will everyone else on welfare or government assisted funding, so I ask again what makes her stand out from the rest? DI’s answer, simply nothing.
It may very well be the history leading up to the birth of her eight new babies, or it’s the ever sinking economy that has ruffled the feathers of the taxpayer in the Golden State of California. What ever the case, the fact is that the taxpayer has been footing the bills of millions just like Ms. Suleman for the past three plus decades.
The newly revised Stimulus plan aids situations just like this, as people who currently receive food stamps, some 30 million currently, will get more, people receiving social supplementary income, will get a one time stimulus injection of $250 each, while cash depleted states will get massive injections to continue funding such programs as Medicaid.
Suleman is not alone; she is no different than a majority of individuals that walk to the mailbox to receive a monthly stimulus check to pay the bills. There is nothing that sets her apart from millions upon millions of others across our country, so leave her alone.
If you want to do something about her situation, attack the system. Vote for politicians that oppose systems and programs that you only know of now because you have lifted your blinders. You voted for this, or the mass around you did, now get out and pound the streets to change it. Change is not just a word, it’s an action as in the act of doing something, and with the power of the vote people can begin to see that action. If you don’t like how your politicians are running your small world, then work to get them voted out.
The answer is not to threaten the lives of people like Ms. Suleman; the answer is to change the system that they benefit from. As in several of my earlier articles, if someone really desperately needs the help, then by all means let’s help them. My only issue is when some 26 year old strapping man walks to the mailbox to collect his $625 a month plus his now $250 one time stimulus check and he has yet to try and find a job or pay taxes. I, however, have not sent death threats to that man, but voted to put in office politicians that agreed with my beliefs in welfare and government assistance.
America, wake up and figure out what is going on around you. It should not take a recession near depression to find out that this is going on, albeit not to the scale of Ms. Suleman, but compounded 30 million or so times over. It should not take the over exposure from the media, in this particular case, to show you what the government funds on a monthly basis. Do the research for yourself; the information is free in most cases. Do what you need to do to fix the world that surrounds you, but do it with pride and dignity, not only for yourself, but those around you.
“If we open a quarrel between the past and present, we shall find that we have lost the future,” Winston Churchill. We can only move forward from today with all the tools that are available to us. If you don’t like how your government is acting, say something, do something, but not to Ms. Suleman, because she is doing exactly what the government is allowing her to do.

AP’s Swimming Hoax

Seriously, the AP ran a story without researching it?
This is the absolute reason for the founding of DI, to offer the world a different view on news topics. We have added our own views from time to time, but have given you the reader the ability to make your own decisions when it came to the story at hand.
The Associated Press ran a story about a woman who swam the Atlantic Ocean, a heartwarming story during these pressing times. Why wouldn’t they, people have heard enough of the layoffs and market crashes, they were in need of something to boost their spirits along with boosting their own ratings. AP received the information, published the story, and moved on to the next big article in order to keep funds rolling in and the lights on. Problem is the story was not credible, much less possible. Additional research confirmed, with the help of the likes of marijuana stud Michael Phelps, that swimming that distance in that time frame was just not physically possible.

The B-52’s

You all must be growing tired of the same old thing, I know. It is hard to watch, or hear, or read the same thing over and over and over without wanting to slit your own wrists just to make the pain go away. Though as for that the passing there had worn them really about the same, as Robert Frost so eloquently put it. DI heard your cries, and took action. Our Hall of Fame inductee, although possessing many human characteristics, is not of this world. It was born from the imagination; it was born of steel and bolts, and became the greatest in its class, far outliving the competition, and still remains active to this day.
With absolutely no introduction required, I present to you the B-52, and I am not talking about the “Love Shack” one. The Boeing B-52 Stratofortress, nicknamed BUFF for being big, ugly, fat, with the last F being silent, sort of (feller for all you southern folks). The Strato rolled off of the production line ready for action in 1955, giving the American Air Force a deep offensive jet powered threat unheard of at the time.
General Nathan Twining, Air Force Chief of Staff from 1953 to 1957, said it best as “the long rifle was the great weapon of its day……Today this B-52 is the long rifle of the air age.” General, if you could hear us today in 2009, it would be the exact same thing, as the B-52 is still alive and flying high. The United States Military, over the course of the past century, has made costly purchases that never panned out, but got there monies worth and more with the old faithful Strato.
The B-52, among other things, is a veteran of several foreign conflicts, to include Vietnam and the Gulf War. In February of 1991 in support of the Gulf War, Barksdale AFB in Northwest Louisiana launched a pack of B-52’s which flew a nonstop combat mission, at the time the longest in history, striking targets inside Iraq. 14,000 miles and 35 hours later, the B-52’s touched down safely back at Barksdale. The B-52 holds the current record of the longest combat mission of 16,000 miles, a mission from Guam to Iraq and back to deliver critical blows to Baghdad power stations in support of Operation Desert Strike.
The Stratofortress has also outlived several of its replacements like the XB-70 and the B-1 Lancer. Mission after mission, the Strato’s performance far exceeded the rest of the pack, proving that age is not necessarily a bad thing. It is one of only five aircraft to have to have 50 consecutive years of service, with a projected future until at least 2040, which would give it an astounding 85 years terrorizing the skies of America’s enemies.
Far outclassed and outran by its want to be successors, the B-52’s mission readiness rates have hovered around the 80% mark, showing the B-1 Lancer (53%) and B-2 Spirit (26%) who the true giant of the sky is.
Most Buff’s in the current fleet are twice as old as the pilots who fly them, with the possibility of one day the men and women who call the beast home for hours at a time could affectionately refer to them as Grandma and Grandpa. A true hero and deserving HOF member, welcome aboard aircraft commander of the skies.
And last but not least, the B-52’s popularity across the nation resulted in a the naming of a viciously strong strain of marijuana, a multi layered cocktail shooter including Baileys Irish Cream, as well as the hit rock band B-52’s, being named for the shape of a beehive hairdo resembling the nose cone of the air king.
DI Pride, until next time; do you own research, and form your own opinions.

Public Service Announcement: Gun Laws

Americans, you are staring down the barrel
of gun control.

DI has the solution, stick to your guns.

I received an e-mail the other day in regards to gun control measures over
the past century around the globe, and tossed it in my trash file.

I passed it up; because of course most chain e-mails are crap.

After a while, I felt for some reason compelled to dig it out the
cyberspace garbage can, thinking about my precious
Daewoo DP 51
9MM back at the house, and wondered what was in store for its uncertain future.

*Note from Porkchop*

I always have to cut in on anything having to do with weapons due to the fact
that the things I love most on this earth are weapons, women, tattoos, books,
Dumb Information and any site we are linked to,
and my camera.

I am personally a member of the church of Glock, but the
Corporal swears by this Daewoo.

I may have to fire it one day to see if it is really all that and a bag of Doritos.

*End Note*

My pistol is my form of home protection which (to go along with the riot
shotgun, an unmistakable sound racking a 12 gauge
when some innocent burglar stands between me and my family) have been
members of my home just as the dogs and fish have been.

I did a little research, only to find out that the numbers presented in the
e-mail were not far off if off at all, amazing.

Gun control has been a hot topic for the past several decades, and as the NRA
has increased in members, so have anti-gun activists, claiming that guns
are the reason for so much wrong in the world (I think the reason for
most of the wrong in the world is caused by the people like the anti-gun
activists, but that’s just my opinion).

Gun activists claim that guns don’t kill people, people kill people,
and so for the sake of argument, I will only present the numbers.

This will allow you, faithful DI Pride,
the ability to form your own opinion, completely unheard of in today’s
information superhighway.

 

Government	Dates	Targets	Civilians Killed	“Gun Control” Laws	Features of Over-all “Gun Control” scheme
Ottoman Turkey	1915-1917	Armenians (mostly Christians)	1-1.5 million	Art. 166, Pen. Code, 1866 & 1911 Proclamation, 1915	• Permits required •Government list of owners •Ban on possession
Soviet Union	1929-1945	Political opponents; farming communities	20 million	Resolutions, 1918 Decree, July 12, 1920 Art. 59 & 182, Pen. code, 1926	•Licensing of owners •Ban on possession •Severe penalties
Nazi Germany & Occupied Europe	1933-1945	Political opponents; Jews; Gypsies; critics; “examples”	20 million	Law on Firearms & Ammo., 1928 Weapon Law, March 18, 1938 Regulations against Jews, 1938	•Registration & Licensing •Stricter handgun laws •Ban on possession
China, Nationalist	1927-1949	Political opponents; army conscripts; others	10 million	Art. 205, Crim. Code, 1914 Art. 186-87, Crim. Code, 1935	•Government permit system •Ban on private ownership
China, Red	1949-1952 1957-1960 1966-1976	Political opponents; Rural populations Enemies of the state	20-35 million	Act of Feb. 20, 1951 Act of Oct. 22, 1957	•Prison or death to “counter-revolutionary criminals” and anyone resisting any government program •Death penalty for supply guns to such “criminals”
Guatemala	1960-1981	Mayans & other Indians; political enemies	100,000- 200,000	Decree 36, Nov 25 Act of 1932 Decree 386, 1947 Decree 283, 1964	•Register guns & owners •Licensing with high fees •Prohibit carrying guns •Bans on guns, sharp tools •Confiscation powers
Uganda	1971-1979	Christians Political enemies	300,000	Firearms Ordinance, 1955 Firearms Act, 1970	•Register all guns & owners •Licenses for transactions •Warrantless searches •Confiscation powers
Cambodia (Khmer Rouge)	1975-1979	Educated Persons; Political enemies	2 million	Art. 322-328, Penal Code Royal Ordinance 55, 1938	•Licenses for guns, owners, ammunition & transactions •Photo ID with fingerprints •License inspected quarterly
Rwanda	1994	Tutsi people	800,000	Decree-Law No. 12, 1979	•Register guns, owners, ammunition •Owners must justify need •Concealable guns illegal •Confiscating powers

 

This is information from the first site
that I visited, absolutely shocked me.

How could these numbers be correct, I pondered?

So, being the kind of person I am, I forged
ahead to find the truth, with site after site providing
me the same horrifying numbers.

The numbers only slightly changed, most of the time to a greater
number of deaths than the site before.

 

PERPETRATOR GOVERNMENT	DATE	TARGET	# MURDERED (ESTIMATED)	DATE OF GUN CONTROL LAW	SOURCE DOCUMENT
Ottoman Turkey	1915-1917	Armenians	1-1.5 million	1886 1911	Art. 166, Penal Code Art. 166 Penal Code
Soviet Union	1929-1953	Anti-Communists Anti-Stalinists	20 million	1929	Art. 182 Penal Code
Nazi Germany & Occupied Europe	1933-1945	Jews, Gypsies, Anti-Nazis	13 million	1928 1938	Law on Firearms & Ammunition, April 12 Weapons Law, March 18
China	1949-1952 1957-1960 1966-1976	Anti-Communists Rural Populations Pro-Reform Group	20 million	1935 1957	Arts. 186-7, Penal Code Art. 9, Security Law, Oct. 22
Guatemala	1960-1981	Maya Indians	100,000	1871 1964	Decree 36, Nov 25 Decree 283, Oct 27
Uganda	1971-1979	Christians Political Rivals	300,000	1955 1970	Firearms Ordinance Firearms Act
Cambodia	1975-1979	Educated Persons	1 million – 3 million	1956	Arts. 322-8, Penal Code

 

I would have never believed this, but the sad reality is the fact that
for one reason or another, death tolls ranging from 55-100 million took
place during and after nationally mandated gun control laws worldwide.

In Lehman’s
terms, if this happened in America, the entire population of the
metropolitan areas of New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Houston,
Dallas, and Philadelphia
would be buried, and that is just using the low side when it comes to figures.

Gun control, is it worth your life or the life of someone around you?

Do the research, get out and figure this one out for yourself.

My two cents is this; I own more than three guns, and I have never used those
guns to kill another human.

Now, with that information, do guns kill people or do people kill people?

Make your own decisions in regards to this and everything else.

If knowledge is power, then power is all around you, it’s just up to you to find it.

*Note from Porkchop.*

Always remember these old sayings,

“Those who do not remember their history are doomed to repeat it.”

“A land with an armed society has citizens, a land with an unarmed society has subjects.”

“When seconds count between living or dying, the police are only minutes away.”

“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.”

“An armed society is a polite society.”

“The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.”

“Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the outcome of the vote.”

“Guard with jealous attention the public liberty. Suspect everyone who comes near that precious jewel. Unfortunately, nothing
will preserve it but downright force. When you give up that force, you are ruined.”

“Americans have the right and advantage of being armed- unlike the citizens of other countries whose governments are afraid to trust the people with arms.”

“Dangerous laws created by well intentioned people today can be used by dangerous people with evil intentions tomorrow.”

“Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.”

“What country can preserve its liberties if its rulers are not warned from time to time that the people preserve the spirit of resistance?”

“Gun control has cleared the way for seven major genocides since 1915, in which governments gone bad murdered 56,000,000 persons, including millions of children.”

“I sympathize with people who want to ban guns, but I can’t agree with them. We have to be careful in our zeal to abolish guns that we don’t wind up with counter-productive legislation that will leave armed only the people most likely to do harm with them.”

“One of the ordinary modes, by which tyrants accomplish their purposes without resistance, is, by disarming the people, and making it an offense to keep arms.”

“Firearms stand next in importance to the Constitution itself! They are the American people’s Liberty Teeth and keystone under Independence. From the hour the Pilgrims landed, to the present day, events, occurrences, and tendencies prove that to insure peace, security, and happiness, the rifle and pistol are equally indispensable. The very atmosphere of firearms everywhere, restrains evil interference — they deserve a place of honor with all that’s good!”

“When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”

“A free people ought not only to be armed and disciplined but they should have sufficient arms and ammunition to maintain a status of independence from any who might attempt to abuse them, which would include their own government.”

“The beauty of the Second Amendment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it.”

“Assault is a type of behavior, not a type of hardware.”

“These Sarah Brady types must be educated to understand that because we have an armed citizenry, that a dictatorship has not happened in America. These anti-gun fools are more dangerous to Liberty than street criminals or foreign spies.”

“Guns are not always the answer, but obtaining a firearm has saved the lives of many… While I favor keeping guns out of the hands of felons, youths and the mentally impaired, I oppose adding more bureaucratic obstacles that attempt to fight crime by disarming its victims.”

“A woman who demands further gun control legislation is like a chicken who roots for Colonel Sanders.”

“Arms are the only true badge of liberty. The possession of arms is the distinction of a free man from a slave.”

DI Mail Call

DI Pride, thank you.

Over the past several days, I have received hundreds of e-mails commenting on
my articles, giving me the much needed inspiration to continue.

Below is just a sample of the e-mail frenzy that DI has taken in, I hope you enjoy.

Q.) “I love your articles, please post some pics of you with no shirt on” –
Deb from Seattle

A.) Deb, I would, but the rest of my fans would most likely hurl, thanks for
the thought anyways

Q.) “Your articles are not only informative, but extremely hilarious, keep up
the good work” Gary from Round Rock, TX

A.) Gary, thanks for those beautiful words, and if you think that my articles
are that damn hilarious, then you are just as screwed up as I am, WOW

Q.) “I never knew someone else was into BBW as much as I am, thanks for
writing that one about Jessica. I am going to show my sis and mom, they
will love it” Bobby from Tulsa

A.) Bobby, I knew there were others out there not scared to love on big women.
Keep filtering out the Medias thoughts in regards to what a woman should look
like; after all, I believe it should be up to the woman in the first place.
But please, for the love of god and all that is holy, do not love that way on
your mom and sister. Thanks for the e-mail and support.

Q.) “Thanks for the article on Pelosi, and thanks for that amazing Pic of her
on the front page” Ron from Los Angeles

A.)Ron, that picture was meant to scare the feathers off of a goose,
but whatever. Thanks for the support, but please keep supporting from very far away.

Q.) “Those public service announcements you guys do are awesome, now I do my
bestest to stay away from train tracks” Lew from Mobile, AL

A.) Lew, thanks for checking out our website, but Jesus, if you needed us to
figure out that you are not supposed to play around moving trains, then maybe
you should, but only after you check us out one more time.

Q.) “Although you are good at what you do, you have no clue what you are
talking about when it comes to PETA. We perform daily the activities needed
to ensure that animals worldwide are treated with dignity and respect, and
the lobster you speak of may now, and only now, live a prosperous life
because of our never ending work. Do more research before you blast us
again” Rhonda from Michigan
Big Rhonda, shut the hell up. Seriously, shut the hell up and get to cookin’
some squirrel
stew woman. Because of your complete idiocy, I have reduced you to pond scum,
but thanks for visiting our site, and please come back.

***NOTE*** no animals were harmed or killed in the making of this article

Q.) “What pole can’t make tea, love writing,” Raj from India

A.) I don’t know if you are referring to a Pollock not being able to make tea,
or if you love my writing so much that you want to do some pole dancing after
snorting some crystallized herbal tea. Whatever the case, it’s great that
you have tuned into our site from the very mysterious yet beautiful country of
India. Keep tuning in and stay away from all the hungry Bengal tigers.

Q.) “Thanks for supporting your troops, its nice to check out the site in
the suck that is Iraq” Chris from Iraq via Fort Hood, TX

A.) Thank you for supporting our site while supporting our site members while
supporting the rest of the free world. Honestly, I pray to god everyday
thanking him for men and women like you, the true Captain America’s. P.S.
Can you send me one of Saddam’s old pure gold shower valves so I
can post it on E-Bay?

DI will in the future post more comments in regards to the influx of e-mail.

Thanks for the support, until next time.

Pimp Hand of Al Swearingin: Global Warming

The question has been one of the most talked about of the last few decades or so. It has been the campaign driver for several failed presidential candidates, as well as an even hotter topic for the creator of the World Wide Web, Mr. Al Gore. For all of you rational people out there, are we really having a Global Warming crisis?
Out and about on a daily basis, I also have the luxury of being able to peruse Mr. Gore’s fantastic voyage that is the World Wide Web, with not much else to do but to fumble around Dumb Information’s brilliant web site. Occasionally though, I do search issues that are near and dear to my own heart, one being the global warming conspiracy. But before all of you tree hugging fruit balls get your pink panties in a wad, check out just a few samples of what is my life.
In a span of less than a year, my deliverance type neighbours have been afflicted with the likes of floods, ice storms, and several Bigfoot sightings. Power cut off because of bone chilling cold winds that make you want to slit your own throat as to not have to deal with the frostbite anymore; power cut off because of flood waters that would even make Noah cringe again. So I ask of you again, DI faithful, is this the ugly face of Global Warming?

I beat the streets for a little while, pondering my next move, perhaps to Tahiti, while gathering information from lifelong residents in hopes of figuring all of this out on my own (I know now that you must know I am a Republican, because the average or above average Dem cant figure out what their name is, much less try and do something themselves). My findings, although not supported by the Guinness Book of World Records, were frightening to say the least.
These kind of natural disasters have happened over the years, but not nearly this close together. What did the near future of my hometown and states have in store for it I contemplated?
I am, (sorry for sounding a little modest), one of the greatest quality control technicians the free world has ever come across. In my line of work, if there is a problem, then there is obviously a root cause. To fix, or repair, or stop, or terminate a problem, you must seek out the root cause.
Now, just for a brief moment, think of Global Warming as a symptom, just a spec of the actual issue at hand. If the problem is for arguments sake the bastard child disease that is AIDS, then Global Warming would be one of the many symptoms such as esophagitis, a nasty but by itself not deadly, inflammation of the lower lining around the esophagus.
Now, think for another moment, if for some god forsaken reason you were infected with AIDS, that the worldwide doctors union (they formed out of absolute necessity because of atrocious work conditions and sub-human pay scales due to socialized medical care) began selling you mounds and mounds of prescription drugs claiming to be the cure for AIDS, but was actually just keeping you from burping up some seriously foul mouth gas.
My point to all of this madness is this; why stick your head up a bull’s ass when you can just take the butchers word for it? The government and Media is continually shoving this down our throats, green this and green that, and scaring us into submission so that us “ditto heads,” us Rushites nation wide, run to the mailbox or corner store to buy the first photovoltaic powered vibrator we come across because batteries just “add to that there Global Warming stuff.”
I don’t mind the government dumping dough into projects that will help out, but what can we really do to prevent something that scientifically happens on a revolving basis? Why pull the wool over the populations eyes so that funding a “eco friendly green project for the democratic senators ex brother-in-laws, mothers, future wives, dogs seller pocketing a cool $14 million to put up three solar panels in his backyard” will go down a little easier?
My question to you (with all of my infinite wisdom I am still having trouble answering) is this. Can we as a human race do anything to stop the ever growing freight train that is Global Warming?
I, as a God fearing man and disciple of his word, can claim that it doesn’t matter, because you “better believe in him or feel his wrath.” On the other hand, as a brainiac science freak, I have to take into account that other planets in our humble solar system have gone through the same things we as humans are currently experiencing, without the ill effects of a vicious can of hair spray.
So, for all of you doomsday, tree hugging, pink panty wearing douchebag’s out there, put your money back in your wallets when it comes to all the crap that the good old government is trying to sell you in regards to the inevitable warming of the Earths crust (unless of course you want to send it to DI to assist in the spread of our own truth and wisdom).
What will happen will happen, that is the answer. There is nothing we can do about it; just sit back, try not to use so many damn CFC’s, drink some beer, and go to church on Sunday mornings. Take it from me, the God fearin’ science lovin’ gun totin’ badass, which by the way; I am freezin’ my ass off thanks to this Global Warming crap, good call Al.
Until next time, believe in God, have a good time, and make sure you have plenty of ammo.

This is Al Swearingin signing off.